Coaching

June 9, 2017
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We are socialized into believing that life is all about going to school, getting a job and upgrading your lifestyle with every promotion as you try to keep up with the jonuses. But is that all there is to life?

When you wake up in the morning, do you feel excited about the new day? Are you impacting someone’s life with what you do? Are you making the world a better place? Will your legacy live on long after you are gone?

Jim Collins said, “It is impossible to have a great life unless it is a meaningful life. And it is very difficult to have a meaningful life without meaningful work.”

Many people think that purpose should be obvious and easy to identify, an idea that leads to much frustration and disappointment. Let me reassure you that your purpose will slowly emerge as you put one foot in front of the other, following where your heart, talents and life seem to be leading you.

As you go through this journey, gaining wisdom about yourself and receiving delicious, surprising clues from life, your sense of purpose will evolve and change.

But we have to be intentional about discovering our purpose. That is the only way we will be able to catch the cues that life throws our way. So how do we get started?

  1. Focus on your values.

Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work.

They should determine your priorities. They are the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to.

For example; If you value family but  have to work 70-hour weeks in your job, you will feel internal stress and conflict. And if you don’t value competition, and work in a highly competitive sales environment, are you likely to be satisfied with your job?

Be crystal clear about your core values and write them down.

  1. Align your values to your goals.

You then need to ask yourself a few questions:

  • What do I love to do, just because?
  • What makes me forget the existence of time once I start doing it?
  • What am I curious about?
  • What am I good at?
  • What do my friends and family tell me that I do so well?
  • What leaves me smiling from the heart?
  • Who do I love to help, serve or lift up?
  • What would I do if success was guaranteed?
  • What issues do I hold close to my heart?
  • What kind of conversations do I have with my closest friends?
  • What is on my bucket list?

Now check whether the answers to these questions are in alignment with your core values. This is because your core values form your belief systems which influence your behavior, thereby affecting the results you get.

  1. Have a sense of urgency.

Once you have revised your goals to be in alignment with your values, you need to start taking action.

Do not feel like you are far too gone in the wrong path that it is irreversible. You can still change course, because the worst thing is struggling to get to the top only to realize the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall!

Personally, I studied Law but when I decided to discover my purpose by answering the above questions, I realized that I did not get that sense of fulfillment and changing the world. I decided to do a complete 360 in order to do what set my soul on fire. And that is changing mindsets in order to live extra-ordinary lives! It is never too late to start over. It is a chance to build something better.

Break down your new goals into daily steps that will get you closer to your goals. What can you do right now to change your course?

Invest your time in achieving your goals instead of just spending it.

  1. Build healthy relationships.

Who do you surround yourself with? Are those people in alignment with your core values and goals? Because if you surround yourself with the wrong people and you want to change course, they will be the naysayers who discourage you and tell you that it cannot be done.

Can you imagine the negative voices I heard when I wanted to do a complete 360 on my career? Especially since it was one of the esteemed careers we were socialized to believe as a great choice!

There is a difference between naysayers and constructive criticism. Naysayers are those who don’t understand your vision and will discourage you because that means getting out of the comfort zone and they just can’t understand it. Constructive criticism on the other hand, is taking everything into account and making sure that it is the best choice for you. I had to let go of those who did not support my vision and built new healthy relationships. That was the best decision ever as these new relationships actually brought around the right circumstances that propelled my new career choice!

You need people who see the best in you, and if that means doing a total-overhaul of your career, they will be your support system.

  1. Have fun!

Just get started, and the next steps will become clear. Don’t get too stressed about this or put too much pressure on yourself. Remember to take a day at a time, be present in the moment, and delight in watching it all unfold. Life really is beautiful!


May 7, 2017
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Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired of your life? Have you reached the breaking point where you say enough is enough? Are you ready to open a new chapter of your life and leave the old stressful life behind you?

Well, you have come to the right place! I will help you identify what exactly has been holding you back and how you can turn your life around. And for us to accomplish this, you need to understand the basic principles of habits and how to break bad habits and form new ones.

You see, we are creatures of habit. In order to change, we have to come to a new understanding of self. How you think and feel creates a state of being.

POSITIVE THOUGHTSMany people exist in a state in which the body becomes the ‘mind’ when they are ruled almost exclusively by the body and how it feels. When we have negative emotions, such as anger and fear, our heart rhythms become erratic and disorganized. In contrast, positive emotions such as love and joy produce highly ordered and coherent patterns in the heart rhythm.

 

According to Heartmath Research Centre in California, only when subjects held both heightened emotions and clear objectives in alignment were they able to produce the intended effect. Thoughts have an electric charge and feelings have a magnetic charge. Together, how we think and how we feel produces a state of being which creates your reality.

To experience change, you need to observe a new outcome with a new mind.

Own-Your-ThoughtsOur routine, known thoughts and feelings perpetuate the same state of being, which creates the same behaviours thereby creating the same reality.

So to change, we have to think, feel and act in new ways. We have to ‘be’ different in terms of our responses to experiences. We have to create a new state of mind.

To change your life is to change your energy, that is, to make an elemental change in your mind and emotions. Change requires coherence therefore, you need to align your thoughts and feelings.

When you hold clear, focused thoughts about your purpose, accompanied by your passionate emotional engagement, you create a potential reality that matches what you want.

Aligning your thoughts and feelings is Key. For example, you may think wealthy thoughts but if you feel poor, you are not going to attract financial abundance to yourself. This is because thoughts are the language of the brain and feelings are the language of the body.

When mind and body are working together, when our thoughts and feelings are aligned, we create a new state of being.

Change your internal environment, that is, the way you think and feel, and then see how the external environment is altered by your efforts.

You need to hold a clear intention of what you want, but leave the ‘how’ details to the process. This is because, it is the ‘how’ that keeps us stuck in the negative emotions of fear.

Personally, after I lost my job a while back, I knew I did not want to be employed but I did not know how I was going to achieve financial freedom without employment. I had never tried doing business and I saw people close to me try to start a business and they failed. It is the constant fear of how I was going to make it that made me go into depression.

It is only when I consciously decided to have a new state of mind, by having new thoughts of hope and purpose and doing what I love, and the feeling of being happy to do what I loved, that my reality changed. I stopped stressing on the ‘how’ and took it a day at a time. My internal environment changed and I felt a sense of fulfillment by living life on my own terms. Shortly after, my external environment changed as people and circumstances started aligning, helping me fulfill my purpose.

THOUGHTSI took the broken pieces and rebuilt myself by not playing the victim. Instead, I took charge of my thoughts and feelings and directed them towards my purpose. I am no longer battling depression, and now living life on my terms!

It is possible to reinvent yourself!


May 6, 2017
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It is always easy coming up with goals and a list of things that you want to achieve, but how do we ensure that we actualize our goals?

We need to identify what is holding us back. What has prevented us from achieving our desires for all those years? It is our self-limiting belief systems.

You see, growing up, from the ages 0-6, we were not able to think for ourselves. Our conscious mind, the reasoning mind was not developed. So how did we survive? We survived through seeing the world through the people around us. If our parents, caregivers or school authority told us that something was bad, we could never argue. We accepted it as a fact. We believed everything they told us. That is how we developed our sense of good and bad. We were socialized into believing what they believed. And if you dig deeper, you will find out that most of the times, we were raised according to how our parents or caregivers were raised.

It is true that there is no manual to parenting. So that begs the question, does it mean that it was the right way? That how they saw the world and how we came to see it as a result is correct?

You see, how anybody sees  the world is a result of belief systems. What one culture believes to be true is completely different to the way a different culture believes to be true. So who is right?

whatyouareIf your life has not been working out the way you intend it to, you need to examine your belief systems. Some of the belief systems you adopted as a child were positive and expanded your mind, but also, some of them were negative, and they limited you. Even after you developed your reasoning capacity, the beliefs you adopted in the first 7 years of your life became so ingrained in you, that they sank into your subconscious mind.

The subconscious mind, is that part of the brain that does not question but follows a set of patterns and routines. For example, when you eat food, you do not have to think about chewing, breaking down the food and absorbing the nutrients into the body. The subconscious mind does that for you. The same thing applies to the heartbeat and blood circulation or when healing a wound. You don’t have to think about it because the subconscious mind takes care of it. This is because there is so much energy consumed in conscious thinking, and in order to preserve energy for survival, the subconscious mind automates the processes that have been repeated over and over and become automatic responses.

 

Can you imagine the impact bad habits have on you once automated? You don’t notice them because they are automated and it only comes into your conscious awareness when the damage has already been done.

 

Now you can understand that the person you are today and the things you have and will achieve are as a result of the beliefs that you have implanted in your mind. If your goals are inconsistent with your beliefs, you struggle to achieve them.

So how do we identify and change our self-limiting beliefs?

  1. Examine your goals and see which areas you struggle most.
  2. Then critically examine what belief systems are behind the struggle.

For example,Financial: if you always struggle to make a living, did you grow up hearing that life is hard? That money does not grow on trees? That money is the root of all evil?

  1. Form new beliefs that you want to adopt around those areas.

For example, Money is not hard to come by. Money actually makes my life easier in everything that I do. 

  1. Write them down in clear short sentences as statements. These are called affirmations.

For example, I am Abundance. Money constantly flows to me. I deserve Money and Success.

  1. Read them out aloud every single day, preferably when you have just woken up, until they are ingrained in your memory. They will soon be automated and your life will reflect your new belief systems!

mind-powerAs a man thinketh, so is he!


February 28, 2017
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We all want to be successful, but what really stops us from achieving our dreams?

  1. Doubt

How many of us allow our fears to cripple us?

Everyone gets gripped with fear some time or the other. However, fear is the basic human emotion people experience on a daily basis.

Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of criticism. Fear of being imperfect. Fear of change. Fear to take risks. Even fear of success. Fear has always been the biggest stumbling block to success.

Fear confines you to your comfort zone and prevents you from stepping out and unleashing your full potential. It is fear that makes you avoid risks and keeps you chained to your limiting beliefs.

Fear is that frightful thing you see when you take your eyes off the goal. A mind focused on doubt and fear cannot focus on the journey to victory.

You are draining your energy by focusing on the negative rather than focusing on the possibilities. Only when you focus on the possibilities will you be inspired to be creative and come up with a plan to navigate the obstacles before you.

  1. Excuses

Excuses are rationalizations we make to ourselves about people, events and circumstances. They are invented reasons we create to defend our behavior, to neglect taking a particular kind of action, or simply as a means of negating responsibility.

Not only will excuses prevent you from reaching your full potential, but they will also hold you back from recognizing opportunities, talents and skills you might have, to help you overcome your problems.1413934482-exercise-fit-fitness-inspiration-Favim_com-8984321

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. There is always a perfectly good excuse, always a reason not to. The hardest freedom to win is the freedom from one’s excuses.

To overcome your excuses you must first admit that you are making them in the first place. Sometimes this is difficult to do, however, it’s absolutely necessary and critical if you want to eliminate the resulting consequences.

 

  1. Not having a definite Plan

Strategic planning helps you avoid the stall and get off the plateau you find yourself on. Failure to plan is planning to fail. You will stick to your comfort zone never realizing how great you can be.

“Definiteness of Purpose is the starting point of all achievement,” wrote Napoleon Hill.

Your major definite purpose can be defined as the one goal that is most important to you at the moment. It is usually the one goal that will help you to achieve more of your other goals than anything else you can accomplish.

Your Plan must be SMART. smart+goals

  1. Comparison

Comparison is the thief of Joy.

Comparison is corrosive. It eats away at your ability to be content and confident. It is a poison that kills the love you have for yourself. And jealousy is often it’s partner in crime.

Comparison leads to a “better than versus worse than” mentality and feelings of superiority or inadequacy — neither of which helps us to be content and contributing members of a healthy community.

We are all unique beings who are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are an original and not a copy. There is no other person who can be You. So why not accept this simple fact and stick to your lane?

The dangers of trying to be someone else or following what you think is expected of you, is that, when you reach at the top, you realize that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. And you have to start over as you are overwhelmed with emptiness.

success and responsibility

Success comes as a result of The Compound Effect

Now that you have eliminated your doubts and fears and have come up with a definite plan, you need to take 100% responsibility for your actions.

Your decisions shape your destiny. From what you eat and when to work, to the people you spend your time with, to how you spend your afternoon; every choice shapes how you live today, but most importantly, how you live the rest of your life.

Consistency is Key.

You have to keep working away for a while, consistently and efficiently, before we begin to see the payoff. This is called the Compound Effect.


January 18, 2017
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You see the world, NOT as it is, BUT AS YOU ARE!

Perception is the way we think about or understand something or someone.

Our perception of reality or the world around us is how we choose to think or understand the world around us.

Our experiences shape our perception of the world. Childhood experiences build up our beliefs about the world. And those beliefs continue to affect our perception of the world throughout our lives, even though as adults we think we know better.

Our beliefs gained through our interpretation of our experiences shape our lives. Hence, if you had a negative childhood, or the wrong statements were made to you as a child, you accepted those beliefs or statements as law and formed a perception of the world around you. Those are the lenses through which you see the world.

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  • If you do not like the way your life is at this moment, it is because of the beliefs that are running your world.
  • If you are not as successful or as happy as you would like to be, it is because of the beliefs that you adopted as a child that are running your subconscious mind, they are creating your current life.

The only way to change your life for the better is to examine those beliefs that form a perception of the world around you.

Recent scientific research has shown that your perception controls your genes as well! Now that should get your attention!

Before you start thinking that it is very hard to change your genes, understand the simple fact that your beliefs are formed by your thoughts. You do have control over your thoughts. Hence, you do have control over your genes!

If you can rewrite the software of your mind, you can change your whole experience of life!

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The conscious mind is conceptual, while the subconscious mind is sensory which controls your experiences. It is easier to change habits of thought and behaviour if you access the subconscious mind, because it is the storehouse for attitudes, values and beliefs.

Become aware of your thoughts, choose constructive thoughts, positive thoughts and that will change your beliefs and attitudes that make up your reality.

It is time to take Charge of Your Life!


January 18, 2017
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We all have within us that inner critic. That voice inside your mind that is like your roommate. Constantly analysing your environment. Giving opinions, some of which you dare not say them out loud! And when there is a build-up of nervous, fearful or desire-based energies inside, that voice becomes extremely active.

Your thoughts are expressed in that inner voice.

Most people are accustomed to settling into the playground of the mind by creating and manipulating thoughts. By verbalizing in your mind the outside world. And we get so lost in it, that we confuse it for reality. You stop questioning the validity of those opinions.

Did you know that you buffer reality as it comes in?

Your consciousness is actually experiencing the mental model of reality, not reality itself!

You basically re-create the outside world inside yourself, and then you live in your mind.

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So how do you silence this inner critic that is robbing you of reality?

To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them. No solution can possibly exist while you are lost in the energy of the problem!

You must continuously and sincerely ask the question:

Who am I?

  • You create your thoughts and watch them.
  • You will realize that you are not your thoughts.
  • You are a subject and your thoughts are just objects.
  • You are a conscious receiver of your thoughts, emotions and objects coming in through your senses.

When you focus on thoughts, feelings and the senses and get totally absorbed in them, you forget the subject and become object-conscious.

Stand firm in the seat of the witness and release the hold that the habitual mind has on you. Distance yourself from your thoughts by being self-aware.

Don’t always react to emotions. Ask yourself:

‘What part of me is being disturbed by this?’

Do not narrate but consciously observe the world.

You are consciousness, awareness, an intuitive sense of existence!

 


November 18, 2016

What is your inner guidance system?

It is basically intuition, your gut feeling, an inner knowing.

You are constructed so that if you listen carefully to yourself, that is, to your mind, your body and your emotions, and follow the guidance given, you can dramatically enhance the quality of your life.

  1. The internal guidance system translates, integrates and understands the breadth and depth of who you are at a soul level.
  2. It also understands the simplicities and complexities of life and propels you forward in order to express your inner most desires.
  3. It supports you in actualizing what you are seeking through inspired ideas, deep insight, warning signals or a rush of energy!

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As children, we were in touch with our intuition and easily followed our hearts. However, as we became adults, our intuition got clouded by the social conditioning. We wanted to be accepted, loved and validated. We started stifling the inner yearnings because they did not conform to the environment we were in. This has made us lose touch with ourselves, the inner being.

When you are about to make a very important decision, a life-changing decision, it is very important that you consult your internal guidance system. You do not want to toil and struggle and work hard, only to reach the top and realize that the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. Especially when it comes to career, since we spend most of our waking hours working for a living. It would be a complete waste of your life!

There are a few questions that you can ask yourself as checkpoints when faced with a decision you have to make. These questions are:

  • Is this decision free from fear?
  • Is it the most positive way of handling this situation?
  • Does decision involve the highest good for all concerned?
  • Am I adding to the light of the world?

As much as these questions help steer you towards your intuition, sometimes you do not know what you want. You have worn so many masks that you have lost your identity. You can start off with Meditation to clear your mind, relax your body and calm your emotions. This will help you gain a sense of clarity to the above questions.

Follow your heart, it knows the way!

 


October 13, 2016

What is self- sabotage?

We self-sabotage ourselves by allowing ourselves to have a negative state of mind by being angry, bitter, holding grudges or staying in a bad relationship because we are unconsciously addicted to pain.

We can also sabotage ourselves by being too hard on ourselves in the face of failure or supporting a poor self-image that affects how we perform in our lives. This prevents us from objectively moving forward with our lives.

In short, self-sabotage is entertaining bad habits. We are creatures of habit and our lives are as a result of our habits.

So how do we break away from bad habits?

1. Start by acknowledging the bad habits and take responsibility for them.

Do not have excuses as to why you have bad habits or are unable to change them.

Do not blame others or the circumstances as that just takes away the responsibility of changing them. We do this a lot, as it makes us feel better by making the other person the villain.

How many times has something happened to you and you are so quick to point out whose fault that was?

Now, you might not like what I am about to say but: Everything that is happening in your life, is as a result of your action!

Relax…just take a  minute to understand that statement.

For you to be in a position to change what is going on in your life right now, you need to take 100%  responsibility of the results that are happening in your life.

You created those events, whether consciously or unconsciously. Come to terms with this simple fact, as life is all about cause and effect.

Same thing about action and reaction, it doesn’t matter what happens to you, what matters most is how you react to it.

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2. The  next step is to have a strong and decided intention to change.

Do not expect immediate results because your brain is  programmed to resist change.

Start by strictly setting daily or  weekly requirements for yourself, but ensure that they are so  easy that your subconscious mind will not feel controlled by  your plans.

For this to be successful, you need to ask yourself:

‘How badly do I want this change?’

Because if you have gotten comfortable with your situation, you will give up at the slightest struggle you encounter. But if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will overcome the struggles!

3. Develop a mini-habit as they expose you to your doubts and fears in a way that feels safe and empowering.

You can make your habits stupid small and train yourself to be aware of the mini-habit you are trying to develop. For example, if you are trying to get rid of negative thoughts by being more positive, start by not shouting at someone who steps on you. Or not cursing at the driver who will not give you way at the junction. And by slowly developing this sense of calm, you will be more in control when your bank shuts down and will instead objectively look for an alternative solution.

One of the most important skills you can develop is mindfulness, that is, being aware of what you think and do.

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Be sure to identify why it is important for you to develop that habit.

The advantage of the new habit should be more important than the pain of implementing it.

Do you want to lose weight and shed off that stubborn belly fat?

Think of that amazing outfit that you want to fit into. Imagine the curves or the biceps that are awaiting you on the other side of achievement. This picture will motivate you to overcome the pains of exercising and not eating the delicious fries or pizza.

Once you have mastered implementing the mini-habit of say being positive in the face of negativity, you can easily identify the next positive action.


October 13, 2016

 

I remember the day I woke up and realized that I had lost my job. I felt broken and discouraged and at that moment my self-esteem went to the floor. I felt like I was not good enough as I had failed. I felt unwanted and incapable.

We all have experienced an event in our lives that left us broken and discouraged. We had to deal with hurt emotions and disappointment, either in ourselves or others.

How do we manage to deal with a difficult past that threatens our present state and dims our future?

         1. Get New Hobbies

We need to start by realizing that the present and the future depend on learning new habits and new ways of looking at old problems.

This was a time for me to do some soul-searching and find out what I am really passionate about. This period allowed me to invest my time in improving myself. I took on a new course and new hobbies that left me invigorated and inspired!

Continually criticizing yourself for past mistakes and errors does not help matters, but on the other hand, tends to perpetuate the very behavior you would change. It will only make you feel worse and cloud your judgement, preventing you from moving forward.

            2.Live in the Now

Misery loves company, hence your foul mood will create a negative atmosphere around you. You will find every kind of reason to complain about how life is unfair and how things are not working out.

The minute we change our minds and stop giving power to the past, the past with its mistakes loses power over us.

You should say enough is enough, and ,wake up your mind. As what you think and believe becomes reality.

I had to concentrate on living in the NOW. In milking every positive experience I had and reminding myself that Life is beautiful.

It is this new found joy that lead me to meeting and interacting with wonderful people that had such a wonderful attitude towards life!

           3.Have New Exciting Goals

Choose positive thoughts, hang around positive people, choose fun activities to engage in, believe in a bright future that you choose to start creating NOW, this very moment.

Have new exciting goals to work towards. This will keep you motivated  and looking forward to the future. self-doubt-1

 

             4. Challenge Irrational Beliefs

You should never allow contrary, irrational beliefs to pass unchallenged or obtain hold over you.

Be self-aware of how you are feeling, as it is an indication of what is going through your mind. Constantly picturing to yourself and dwelling upon a desirable end result will also make the possibility seem more real, and appropriate emotions of enthusiasm, cheerfulness, encouragement and happiness will automatically be generated.

            5. BE HAPPY!

You are in charge of the kind of future you create. Leave the past and it’s miseries behind and focus on the wonderful future that awaits you…only if you create it!


October 13, 2016

What is Self-Doubt?

Self doubt is the feeling that we are not enough. That we are not talented enough to be promoted, we are not enough to get the man of our dreams, we are not intelligent enough to run our own businesses.

Your present self image of not being enough was built upon your own imagination pictures of yourself in the past, which grew out of interpretations and evaluations which you placed upon the experience.

Feelings of inferiority originate not so much from ‘facts’ or experiences, but our conclusions regarding facts and our evaluation of experience. And this feeling of inferiority comes about for just one reason:

We judge ourselves and measure ourselves, not against our own ‘norm,’ or ‘par’ but against some other ‘individual’s norm’.

But because we think and believe and assume that we should measure upto some other person’s ‘norm’, we feel miserable and second-rate and conclude that there is something wrong with us.

The Truth about You is this:

  •  You are not ‘inferior’
  •  You are not ‘superior’
  •  You are simply YOU!

‘YOU’ as a personality are not in competition with any other personality simply because there is not another person on the face of the earth like you, or in your particular class.

  • You are an individual.
  • You are unique.
  • You are not ‘supposed’ to be like any other person and no other person is ‘supposed’ to be like you.

God made every human being individual and unique just as He made every snowflake individual and unique.

Once you see this simple, rather self-evident truth, accept it and believe it, and your inferior feelings will vanish. There is Greatness in You!